About me

I am 36 years old; female; caucasian. I am happily married and have a 17 months (9 months corrected) old son. I live in a small town outside of Stuttgart Germany in a beautiful home. From my front porch, I am overlooking an ocean of trees and can listen to birds, squirrels and all kinds of other small animals.

Since 1 1/2 years, my life is completely different than I had ever imagined it growing up. I started out as a high school graduate learning a trade working for a family owned jewelry and watch manufacturer. Looking back, this was the job I loved the most and had the most work-life-balance. At the age of 20, my boss provided me with the opportunity of visiting the United States working on improving my English. At first, I was devastated. I was completely settled in my life, had my own apartment and a boyfriend I thought I would get married to. But, who would have thought that 3 months in the United States would change my life forever. 

On the plane towards Atlanta, I was crying my eyes out. I did not even understand the flight attendants very well; how would I survive 3 months in the States. At the end, I spent some of the best 3 months of my life in San Diego, California. My English improved incredibly fast, I made wonderful friends, I am still in touch with today, and I definitely did not want to return to my life in Germany. On the plane on my way back, I cried again. 

These 3 months changed my life. I realized the world has more to offer than the perfect little world I grew up and lived in for the first 20 years of my life. Fortunately, my boss realized what had happened to me and once again he initiated the new course my life would take. He released me from my contract, which was the starting point of another wonderful journey to the United States. This time, I returned as an Au Pair and joined a wonderful family with 3 children. Today, I call my host parents AmDad (American Dad) and AmMom (American Mom) and I could not be more proud of my three American siblings, who are today, 26, 24 and 19 years old. In total, I spent 7 years in San Diego. Two as an Au Pair, four to obtain a Bachelors of Science in Business - Supply Chain Management and my last year I spent working in my AmDad's company. 

To continue in my career, a move to Chicago would have been necessary. But after 7 years in San Diego, starting anew in a foreign city, without family and friends? It would have been a great opportunity, but I could not do it. Instead, I decided for a much greater move - I decided it was time to return home to Germany. I loved my time in San Diego and I new I would miss my American family and all my friends; but, I also knew that I did not want to start a family there. The health insurance and school system among others did not tally with my social values I grew up with. So before starting a new life in Chicago, it was time to start a new life at home - in Germany. 

I was applying for Trainee Programs at all kinds of major cooperations. Straight A's in school, various letters of recommendations, social engagement and my English proficiency weren't enough though. Proctor & Gamble, L'oreal, Adidas, etc ... not even an invitation for a phone interview. I could not believe it. It seemed like my Bachelor's wasn't worth anything at all. I did not want my 4 years of hard work be for nothing and decided to continued my education with a Master's Degree in Industrial Engineering - Logistics at the European School of Business in Reutlingen. Afterwards, I was lucky to have joined one of the largest tier 1 automotive suppliers, for which I kept working until I went on parental leave. 

Shortly after I retuned to Germany, I also met my husband. We grew up in the same town and had known each other for many years; but we never were close friends growing up. It wasn't love at first sight, but he became the love of my life. He has been the best husband I could have ever asked for. He stood by my side fighting my endometriosis and through our long unanswered wish for children. And this is were my story and the idea of starting this blog really begins. 

Last year in October, a friend recommend to write down my thoughts - online. She thought this would be a good outlet for me, but also for others to read. Maybe I would reach out to other moms who are in the same or similar shoes and have motivating stories or just good thoughts and vibes to send my way.  

At this point this was out of the question. Why on earth would I write a blog about my personal life for anyone and anybody to read and possibly even comment? Especially, since I get so annoyed by all the so called "influencers" on Instagram, who have nothing better to do than post stories about their daily lives online. They are not influencing anybody or anything, but they like hearing themselves talk. I never wanted to become this stay-at-home mom, not having anything better to do than to talk nonstop posting it online without really saying anything at all. 

Almost a year has passed, since my friend threw out this idea of "blogging", and here I am - ready to write my first blog for anyone and anybody to read.  

Why this change? I cannot even tell you, because I don't know exactly. What I can say is that little things throughout our days keep happening and all I want to do is write. Write about peoples' comments leaving me angry or speechless. Writing about nice compliments or gestures bringing tears of joy to my eyes or sometimes I am just reminiscing about the past or think about what the future might bring and instead of keeping it to myself, I decided to take my friend's advice and write about it.  A form of therapy? Maybe. Finding others feeling the same? Maybe. Or just one of the many pathways to learning to live, love and laugh anew. The main challenge for me will be not to be like many others talking a lot without saying anything at all, but writing stories about our life that have meaning or give thought for further thinking or discussion. Will I succeed at this? Not sure, but here I am, willing to try. 

When you are a little girl, you fantasize about what you want to be when you grow up. You dream about your wedding and the best time to start a family. 

I can't really remember, what I wanted to be when I grew up, but it certainly wasn't what I ended up doing now. I know that I always wanted a big wedding, which absolutely came true. I wanted to be married by 25 and have my first baby at 28, which I did not even get close to. Sooner or later, everyone has to realize that some things in life can't be predicted, nor planned. You get frustrated at god, the world, your family and friends and depending how hard you got hit by the life changing events that happened, you have to learn how to live, love and laugh anew. 

This blog is one way for me helping me to cope with the past, accept the present and look forward to the future without planning or anticipating how it may be.